


What Do You Want?

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Crush, Hallucinations, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:25:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9862493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dave is having trouble dealing with the fact that he's polyamorous. Sleep deprivation does not help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> What do you mean i'm projecting onto dave???? hahaha (I have always and will always project onto dave.)
> 
> Anyway: Dave is dating Karkat, has a crush on john. it's not specified if it's requited (but it is in his head)

Dave's head spins as he leans back into his chair. What does he want? He asks himself the question over and over again, feeling his shirt slip loosely down his shoulder and ignoring it as he stares at the ceiling and wonders why he was built this way- this is not normal, he tells himself over and over again. His boyfriend often opposes the idea, but he knows that it’s not; he’s seen enough of Karkat’s cheesy rom-coms to know the way romance works.

First, you find your soulmate.

Then, you fall in love.

You’re dedicated to that single person and anything else is sinful, terrible, means you’re going to break up- but, Dave argues with himself, it’s not like he’s  _ not _ in love with Karkat.

He really honestly does love Karkat.

Angry and just a little oversensitive, Karkat is Dave’s favourite mess- but is he? Yes. Yes he is, Dave drives the doubts out of his mind without the usual sense of self-doubt. He’s not lying to himself, not on this front.

 

His head lulls to the side a little and his daydream splinters when he doesn’t lean in to the bone-and-skin of John’s shoulder, the prankster laughing at him a little- but it’s not real and Dave feels guilty for thinking about it.

This shouldn’t be a problem, he argues to himself, clenching his fists. This is real, a real thing, it’s not unheard of to fall for more than one person!

But still, he feels guilty. Like he isn’t dedicated to Karkat, even though he is, even though Karkat knows, even though Karkat tells him it’s okay. Dave breathes out, and again his brain momentarily tricks him into thinking he can feel the warmth of contact as his mind conjures the image of Karkat pulling him in, hugging him- then it shatters, as he hits the pillows he’d been leaning toward. 

Dave groans and picks himself up, going back to staring at the ceiling and- oh God, is he crying? He’s crying, he realises, and it feels like acid burning as the first tear breaks free from the corner and trickles down into his ear.

He swears he can hear John’s voice again, and he remembers the way they talk- even if it is sparse over text- and he finds himself leaning into the imaginary comfort of John on his other side.

 

His playlist switches songs and his breath hitches as he realises that right now he should be panicking- but he isn’t? Is he so numb? But then his brain responds, and instead of the usual flight response he gets, instead of his usual quickening of heartbeat, the song slips past him and he sees John. Images in his mind of John, laughing, and he’s not quite sure why he associates this song with John but then he is- it played after a party, it was what caused his first real panic attack; he remembers John, Karkat, Jade, standing in front of him to calm him down, remembers John and Karkat’s anger in his defence.

He closes his eyes and exhales shakily, and his mental images, fake sensations, swirl beside him. One side, his image, imprint, imaginary Karkat winds an arm around his waist and whispers to him comfortingly. The other, John clasps his hand, wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls, and Dave leans in blindly to the imaginary warmth, and this time the heat doesn’t collapse. John rests his cheek on Dave’s head, Karkat leans against him to provide any kind of context, Dave feels the ghost of a hand on his thigh too. He can almost hear their voices, memories and emotions swirling around him and fading at the same time- the song becomes more distant, too, now. The world darkens, his senses dull until there’s nothing but him and his two favourite people.

 

He wakes the next morning in his bed, clutching a pillow and curled in the fetal position.

His phone battery is dead.

The uncertainty remains, and he puts his phone on charge, takes the first chance to message Karkat to say good morning, pulls himself out of bed and takes a breath.

 

“Dave?” Rose pokes her head around the door, and he sees concern painted on her face, “Are you coming down for breakfast?”   
“Yeah,” he replies, looking at his phone as it lights up with messages from John and Karkat, their names plastered in grey and blue on the lock screen. He leaves it where it is as he turns back to Rose, “I’m coming now.”


End file.
